Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE?

Family Research Council's Underground Bunker: 8am

"Morning, Al."
  "Morning, Mr. Perkins, sir!"
"So the 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' policy has been off the books for a full day. What are you hearing from your operatives in the field? Is it as bad as we knew it would be?"
  "Um?no, sir. All sectors are quiet, sir."
"What? That's impossible! Gimme that radio! Sector Bravo! Sector Bravo! This is Jesus' Bosom! Come in Sector Bravo, this is Jesus' Bosom!"

"Sector Bravo here. Hi, Tony! You're not gonna believe this---it's quiet as a church here."
  "What do you mean quiet? Do the personnel on-base know homosexuals are now serving openly?"
"Yes sir. Doesn?t seem to faze anyone. Everyone's takin' it in stride."
  "Well, did you drop the soap in the shower like we talked about?"
"Yes sir. Hell, we threw a whole carton of Lava on the floor. They just picked 'em up and stacked 'em neatly by the sink. Very courteous of 'em, actually?"
  "Shut up! Shut up! Sector Tango! Come in Sector Tango, this is Jesus' Bosom!"

"Sector Tango here."
  "How's your unit cohesion, Sector Tango? Has your morale plunged since the gays were allowed to run rampant around the base? Do you need reinforcements? Counselors? Psychologists? Head busters? Are you trapped in a hellhole of redecorating ideas and fashion tips?"
"Nah. A few guys came out today, but they're some 'o the best grunts we got. Hell, Higginbotham can stop your heartbeat with his index finger. So everything's cool."
  "You fool---you've been gaywashed! I knew this would happen! Sector Alpha! Come in Sector Alpha!

"Sector Alpha here! Hooah!! 'Sup, Tony?"
  "Grizzly Man! You're the most macho operative I've got. Give it to me straight---how bad are things out there in the apocalyptic post-DADT wasteland?"
"Not bad at all, sir. I just came out to my CO and he's gonna be my best man when I tie the knot in Des Moines next week! Your invitation's in the mail, buddy! Semper Fi!"
  "But...  But..."

[Static]

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